Ενα τό χελιδόνι

[Annemarie 19]

To Axion  Esti   (Loue Soit)   O. Elytis

(These are the sung parts only, the poem is a little longer)

ΕΝΑ τό χελιδόνι * κι ή 'Ανοιξη ακριβή

Γιά νά  γυρίσει ο ήλιος * θέλει δουλειά πολλή

Θέλει νεκροί χιλιάδες * νά 'ναι στούσ Τροχούς

Θέλει κι οί ζωντανοί * νά δίνουν τό αίμα τους

Θέ μου Πρωτομάστορα * μ'έχτισες μέσα στά βουνά

Θέ μου Πρωτομάστορα * μ'εχλεισες μέσ στή θάλασσα !

Πάρθηκεν  από Μάγους * τό σώμα τού Μαγιου

Τό 'χουμε θάψει σ'ένα * μνήμα του πέλαγου

Σ' ένα βαθύ πηγάδι * τό ΄χουμε κλειστό

Μύρισε τό σκοτά * δι κι όλη ή 'Αβυσσο.

Θέ μου Πρωτομάστορα *          μέσα στίς πασχαλιές καί Σύ

Θέ μου Πρωτομάστορα *          μύρισεσ τήν 'Ανάσταση !

Rien qu'une hirondelle ici   *         precieux Printemps que celui-ci

Pour que le soleil s'en revienne *       il en coute bien des peines

Il faut des morts par milliers   * a ses Roues poussant

Il faut non moins de vivants   *        a lui dispenser leur sang

Mon Dieu Premier-Ouvrier   *    dans les monts tu m'as emmure

Mon Dieu Premier-Ouvrier   * dans la mer tu m'as enclave

Des Mages ont emporte   * le corps leger de Mai

L'ont enselevi dans un   * memorial sous-marin

Dans un puits d'obscurite   * l'ont precipite

Que son musc envahisse   * les tenebres et tout l'Abysse

Mon Dieu Premier-Ouvrier   * dans ces lilas de la Passion

Mon Dieu Premier-Ouvrier   * tu sens bon la Resurrection

(Transl. Bordes X., Longueville R.; Gallimard, 1987)

[Niki 0]

Vraiment excellent!...

[Annemarie 19]

Well, they are supposed to be experts

They also translated "Marie des Brumes" (I don't know what it is called in Greek).

Alors comme ca tu parles francais toi aussi ?

[Niki 0]

Oui, je parle aussi, mais je crois que je les ai oublie. La raison est que je ne les utilise pas.  J'ai arrete les lessons, il y a 3 annees.  Mais je les continuera l'annee prochaine...

 You see, I make terrible mistakes and I've almost forgotten everything I once new...   (By the way, how do you put the accents? I can't seem to find a way to do so...)

[Micki 1]

Je vous ai compris trθs bien, et pour une Belge, ma connaissance est terrible, vraiment terrible.

Micki

[Geske 37]

Annette, je te remercie de tout coeur.

Hollandse versie komt eraan, ik moet nog even typen!

On ne peut pas avoir ET les accents, et les lettres grecques, en meme temps. Ou du moins, c'est tres difficile.

The browser is set (under 'view' ) to show 'western' encoding, OR 'greek'. The first shows letters with accents, the second greek letters, for the same character you type.

Marie des Brumes is Maria Nefeli - I have the record, by some strange accident... Ionatos is wonderful. Would Μαρία Νεφέλη be the correct Greek spelling?

No apology for the Sprachsalat post - it's too much fun...

brr, brrrr, brrr!

[Annemarie 19]

Merci Geeske.

Niki, Micki, je suis tres impressionnee.

Yes, accents and greek characters don't seem to agree.

But don't you think it's fun to write without accent ? Many French students would very much prefer to be rid of them, I'm sure !

[Micki 1]

Le franηais sans accents??? Pas pour moi, ni que le grec sans 'tonos'.

Micki

[Geske 37]

Yes, I like accents too.

Both in speech and writing.

Of course they make it very complicated and all that... but I still like them.

[Geske 37]

I had to dig deep to find this topic again... πέρασε καιρός!

Since Antometrios badgered me into translating bits of Aksion esti, i've found it hard to stop. It's a poem that grows on you... So, here is another bit.

Still with abject apologies to the poet.

ΕΝΑ ΤΟ ΧΕΛΙΔΟΝΙ _____||_____ The swallow, one single swallow

Μουσική: Μίκης Θεοδωράκης_____||_____ Music: Mikis Theodorakis

Στίχοι: Οδυσσέας Ελύτης_____||_____ Poem: Odysseas Elytis

Ένα το χελιδόνι κι η άνοιξη ακριβή_____||_____ The swallow is but one single swallow, and the cost of Spring is dear

για να γυρίσει ο ήλιος θέλει δουλειά πολλή_____||_____ For the sun to come round, much work is wanted

Θέλει νεκροί χιλιάδες να 'ναι στους Τροχούς_____||_____ It wants thousands dying at the Wheels

Θέλει κι οι ζωντανοί να δίνουν το αίμα τους._____||_____ it wants the living, too, to give their blood.

Θε μου Πρωτομάστορα μ' έχτισες μέσα στα βουνά_____||_____ My God, master builder, you walled me inside the mountains

Θε μου Πρωτομάστορα μ' έκλεισες μες στην θάλασσα_____||_____ My God, master builder, you imprisoned me inside the sea

Πάρθηκεν από μάγους το σώμα του Μαγιού_____||_____ The body of the May was taken away by the Mages

Το 'χουνε θάψει σ' ένα μνήμα του πέλαγου_____||_____ they have buried it inside a tomb of the open sea

σ' ένα βαθύ πηγάδι το 'χουνε κλειστό_____||_____ in a deep well they have it locked away

μύρισε το σκοτάδι κι όλη η άβυσσο_____||_____ the darkness grew fragrant, and the whole abyss.

Θε μου Πρωτομάστορα μέσα στης πασχαλιές και Συ_____||_____ My God, master builder, inside the lilac bloom you too

Θε μου Πρωτομάστορα μύρισες την Ανάσταση_____||_____ My God, master builder, you smelled the fragrance of the Resurrection.

Note for "My God..."

When the Bible was first translated into English, that language still had both a familiar and a formal form of address. "You" served for both the plural and the polite (like εσείς in Greek, "vous" in French, "Sie" in German and so on). This was the address used by gentlefolk to each other and to their superiors. "Thou" they used speak to servants, children, and God. This last use is the only use of "thou" that survived to our day, with the curious result that "thou" is now experienced as "formal" and "you" as normal/familiar. I guess God is farther away from his worshippers than he used to be... At first I put in «My God, master builder, even inside the lilac bloom Thou art there» but the verb form for "walled in" turned out a bit too archaic and I gave up. Pity.

[panosb 0]

Ένα το χελιδόνι κι η άνοιξη ακριβή ___||___ The swallow is but one single swallow, and the cost of Spring is dear

για να γυρίσει ο ήλιος θέλει δουλειά πολλή ___||___ For the sun to return, much work is wanted

Θέλει νεκροί χιλιάδες να 'ναι στους Τροχούς ___||___ It wants thousands dying at the Wheels

Θέλει κι οι ζωντανοί να δίνουν το αίμα τους. ___||___ it wants the living, too, to give their blood.

Geske, I couldn't resist the temptation..

The swallow is but one single swallow, and the cost of Spring is dear: Don't you think it is a little bit looooong the first part of the verse? Couldn't you say for example: The swallow may be single....or Although the swallow is single....or anything else?

For the sun to return, much work is wanted: I will not comment on the choice of "re-turn" (although "turn" would be preferable), but I think that the word "needed" fits better than "wanted".

It wants thousands dying at the Wheels: Again "needs"... "Dying" was a 'bold' choice!!! :blink:

Oh! I got tired for now.

Anyway I appreciate, again, your work - but I'll come back later to cheque the rest of it

The positive things about the translation:

1. I learned the translation of χελιδόνι

2. I learned more about the use of Thou (which has always been an enigma to me).

What do Thou think about my comments?

:lol: :lol:

[Geske 37]

I do, thou dost, he/she/it does...

I will tell thee what I think of your comments: it's nice to be appreciated!

but please don't put a capital on "thou" when you're talking to me - that's only for God :p

Now to answer the remarks...

the expression ένα το χελιδόνι is a pain the ass to translate, if you'll forgive the expression. It means that there is a swallow, that there is only one swallow, not more and not less, a single, lonely, unique swallow. In three words it says all that. If I were translating it as poetry (which all the gods forbid!) i'd have to shorten it - but i was trying to explain the meaning.

On the other hand, it's nice to be able to use "dear", which is quite accurate for ακριβή. Both have a double meaning of "expensive" and "beloved" - except that the proportions are reversed, in English it's usually the second and seldom the first, it Greek is the other way around.

Για να γυρίζει ο ήλιος I have translated as meaning "for the sun to come back", as it does in springtime when the days grow longer; I think you read it to mean "turn" as in the apparent movement of the sun in the sky? I can't find a way to keep both possibilities in English, and I incline to the first reading because of the line before.

and so on. and on. and on.

ad infinitum.

Yeah. Well. Like I said before - you really CAN NOT translate Elytis, you can only give a sort of (inadequate) description of what he's talking about. BOTHER. What on earth made me pick such an impossible job????? I'm going to put on a record and forget all about it.

[panosb 0]

I told you to read the analysis but you wouldn't listen to me

Gia na gurisei o hlios: It is not "to come back". The icon itself was inspired by a poem by Sikelianos (about turning the sun...wheels etc)and that's exactly what Eluths uses.

You can also look at the reference of "wheels": So in order to "turn" the sun (through the wheels) it is needed thousands of so and so....

I did not comment on "dear" because I liked it. It was a very good choice.

Finally, althuough the verses appear to be pain in the ... neck, you managed to translate the poem. So nothing is impossible - especially when you get good help by me )

[Geske 37]

There was a horrid mistake in my translation, a copy/paste error, which is now repaired.

[Geske 37]

Years ago I promised to copy here the published Dutch translation. At last...

ΕΝΑ ΤΟ ΧΕΛΙΔΟΝΙ _____||_____ Een zwaluw maar

Μουσική: Μίκης Θεοδωράκης_____||_____ Muziek: Mikis Theodorakis

Στίχοι: Οδυσσέας Ελύτης_____||_____ Gedicht: Odysseas Elytis

Vertaling: Andriette Stathi-Schoorel en Hero Hokwerda, uit de al lang niet meer verkrijgbare uitgave "Lof zij" (uitg. Bert Bakker 1991)

Ένα το χελιδόνι * κι η άνοιξη ακριβή_____||_____ Een zwaluw maar * en hoog is Lentes prijs

για να γυρίσει ο ήλιος * θέλει δουλειά πολλή_____||_____ Opdat de zon zal keren * wordt wErk van ons vereist

Θέλει νεκροί χιλιάδες * να 'ναι στους Τροχούς_____||_____ Duizenden is het aantal doden * dat de Raad'ren draaien doet

Θέλει κι οι ζωντανοί * να δίνουν το αίμα τους._____||_____ Vereist ook van de levenden * het offer van hun bloed

Θε μου Πρωτομάστορα * μ' έχτισες μέσα στα βουνά_____||_____ God mijn Opperbouwmeester * Gij metselde mij in de bergen in

Θε μου Πρωτομάστορα * μ' έκλεισες μες στην θάλασσα_____||_____ God mijn Opperbouwmeester * Gij kerkerde mij in de zee

Πάρθηκεν από μάγους * το σώμα του Μαγιού_____||_____ Het lichaam van de Mei * namen Magiërs mee

Το 'χουνε θάψει σ' ένα * μνήμα του πέλαγου_____||_____ Ze hebben het begraven * in een graf in open zee

σ' ένα βαθύ πηγάδι * το 'χουνε κλειστό_____||_____ In een put onpeilbaar * die vergrendeld is

μύρισε το σκοτάδι * κι όλη η άβυσσο_____||_____ Heel de Hel geurt nu * en gans de Duisternis

Θε μου Πρωτομάστορα * μέσα στης πασχαλιές και Συ_____||_____ God mijn Opperbouwmeester * in de bloemen van de sering

Θε μου Πρωτομάστορα μύρισες την Ανάσταση_____||_____ God mijn Opperbouwmeester * ruikt ook Gij de Opstanding